[Cryptography] Bluetooth "smart condom" w/uUSB port

[Henry Baker]

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/2993797/smart-condom-i-con-will-rate-your-sexual-performance-including-speed-of-thrusts-and-girth-measurements/

A British company claims to have created the world’s first "smart condom" which rates blokes performances...

And if you're concerned about your secrets getting out, the Nottingham-based company says that all info will be kept anonymous.  [Using Tor ?]

Users "will have the option to share their recent data with friends, or, indeed the world."  [Automatic output to Strava can be disabled by the shy ?]

In a similar way to other health monitoring devices, it will use nano-chip and bluetooth technology to relay the data to a smartphone app.

Over 90,000 people have already pre-ordered the product which will be released later this year at the price of £59.99.

It has an integrated micro USB port so it can be recharged, with each charge lasting about six to eight hours.  [Extender batteries sold separately ?]
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Let me guess: This product protects you from STD's using the latest SHA-3 and AES-256 encryption technologies.  You can also use it as a USB condom while charging your smartphone.